While in Sunday school for newlyweds the crazy cycle came up. I’ll try to explain.
If the husband does not love the wife, the wife does not respect the husband, which in turn causes him to withhold his love from her, and thus repeats that cycle. Now, you can interchange respect for love in each instance so to get a better picture, but it got me to thinking about the word respect as its meaning has grown and evolved in my own life.
The Merriam Webster online edition gives a simple definition of respect as follows:
respect
noun re·spect \ri-ˈspekt\
Simple Definition of respect
: a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.: a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way: a particular way of thinking about or looking at something
You may be wondering why this is important, or why I’m using this as a topic. For those that are wondering what happened to me during the 3 year gap (sounds like something out of an anime or comic book), and the relationships that may have taken place during that time, here’s the long and short for a segment of that time. I was dating someone, and we had been friends for a really long time. Like literally, she was one of my oldest and dearest friends. Things happened and the mutual respect that buoyed our friendship corroded. I am responsible for a lot of it. I still struggle with personal boundaries and just saying no when it comes to significant others. I don’t really say what is bothering me until I am either pressed on all sides to do so, or I’ve passed that tipping point. I voiced a need for the relationship, and it was not respected, but instead of leaving, I chose to stay and continue with the lack of respect. I even joined in on it, and enjoyed it, but it was wearing on me. It wore on me, and I allowed it to. I made the choice to stay in that situation, sometimes I even begged to be in that situation. We loved each other, but in the end, we did not respect each other, and one cannot thrive without being watered by the other.
I was toxic for her, and I am sorry for that. I was petty, I was faultfinding, and was just a bad person to a lot of people that I loved during that time. I apologize for my behavior.
This will be a page for personal catharsis at times. I have burned some bridges and made enemies in my time. I will make more, because, well, life, but I can’t allow my past to keep me from my presence in the present or my future. To those that I have hurt, I am sorry. To those whom I’ve willingly wronged, I apologize. For those that hold on to the me I was then, I understand, because sometimes I do the same thing.
